I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
