And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
