His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
