MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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