it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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