so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
