I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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