That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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