I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
