don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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