my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
