i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
