Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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