My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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