So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
