There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
