youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
