i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
