i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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