Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
