I accidentally burped into my bong.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
