Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
