we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
