I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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