But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
