Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
