Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The air taste purple.
Randomize
