i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
