Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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