i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
