I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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