Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
