Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
