My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
