shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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