I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
