i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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