Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
