my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
