actually, I'm a sock model
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
