just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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