Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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