dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
