yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
