I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
