Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
This house was built for laser tag.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
