He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
