it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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