So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So much Jack, so little girl.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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