DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
