I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All the doctor said was why
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
