and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
