The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
