what day is it and did you see me today?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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