this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
