I cockslap morals
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
